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This week on the substack and the podcast we have a THEME! And this theme is one that many find to be a bit challenging, and that’s the topic of age play. If you’re unfamiliar, age play refers to consenting adults playing with themes of one or both partners acting as an age they are not. This may involve coloring books, this may involve white knee socks, or it can range all the way up to ABDL. And sometimes people play older as well! For our purposes we’re going to be focused on the lighter end of the spectrum, so if you’re curious about this kink check out both this post and the Deep Dive interview I’ll be releasing on Friday featuring age play creator Baby Linh.
This piece originally appeared on the Ask A Sub Patreon in 2020. To gain access to the whole archive of over 250 posts and advice columns, join my Patreon here.
Hello Lina!
I’ve recently entered into a caregiver/little (I’m the little) dynamic with someone and it’s new for me. I don’t know what age I am or how I want to play, though I know I don’t want to play a toddler or baby, and all of the resources online seem to be about pacifiers, diapers and colouring books. How does a little play in pre-teen or teen ages? How do I find what type of little I am? What is little space like?
What I enjoy is the nurturing aspect and the punishment. I like feeling small and cherished. I know this is irrational, but I fear my Dom will actually stop seeing me as a strong and intelligent person outside of play if I regress during play? I’m just looking for some of your thoughts I guess and any resources you might recommend.
In our play he’s already very nurturing and trains me, punishes me when I’m naughty, and I tend to fall into a sub space where I feel small and meek, but also bratty at times and I get in trouble. I didn’t like the idea of DDlg because of the gender binary of it, which is still uncomfortable for me, but the more we play the more we seem to lean into that dynamic and I’d rather embrace and enjoy it and queer it in our own way. We decided yesterday I’d start calling him Daddy and he asked what age I’d like to play and here we are
My dom uses ‘he’ and I use ‘they’
Thank you for your help and I really appreciate your content.
So you may know that little space is not my bread and butter, as I focus a lot more on just like garden variety sub stuff. But wanna know a secret?
I have done my fair share of age play.
For me personally, the “age” in question embodies more of a “middle” or teen space, and can, for me, just be a space to let go of a role of competence and play a bit dumb. Sometimes, as a response to the overwhelm of life, I’ll just turn to Mr. Dune and announce “I’m too dumb to figure this out,” and, even though I could figure it out, I get to abdicate responsibility from The Thing.
Little space/age play can be as simple as wearing overalls and braids out and about, it can be asking for my hand to be held as we cross the street, it can be asking for my eyes to be covered during a scary scene in a movie. These are just things, but when we infuse them with a perspective of kink, we can joyously find perversion in our daily lives.
I’m very nervous to admit that my age play happens in bed as well, because this is where a lot of people get uncomfortable. A lot of age players make the distinction that the play, for them, is non-sexual. Great! For me, occasionally, it’s fun to regress to a teen space and play act that I’m losing my virginity. Because it’s hot. I don’t need to pull out receipts about why this actually isn’t violating or creepy because I’m doing this play with my 31 year old woman body and that is very clear to all involved.
This is all to say that little space and age play happen on a spectrum, even though the representations we see online tend to be focused on watching Disney in footie pajamas and coloring. Which is so, so cute. But if your experience of little space looks different, how can you embrace it?
WHAT IS LITTLE SPACE LIKE?
Little space can vacillate between being a flavor of sub space, or a kind of head space you get into outside of scene (check out this highlight on sub space for a distinction between the two). If you’ve experienced sub space, it can be a lot like that. For me, I think I’m in little space whenever I feel “small,” like you mentioned. It’s a feeling of being vulnerable, content, maybe a little scared, and wanting to be swaddled, held, or petted. Externally, it may look like a change in your voice or demeanor. I personally get really dreamy and playful when I’m in little space.
As you’re playing with little space, finding mascots to represent how you’re feeling might help you put words to what’s going on inside. My Dom and I have come up with all kinds of names to describe my various sub states, and it gives us a fun inside jokey language to talk about it all. It’s very that Twitter trend of “send your girl this photo and caption it ‘us.’” For example, I saw this video on Insta and immediately sent it to my Dom, captioned “me.”
It can feel really healing and a little transgressive to be accepted as you are when you enter this space, which leads me to another one of your questions -
WILL MY DOM STILL RESPECT ME IF I REGRESS?
Of course. Here’s a little secret about Doms: they love power. They love having the keys to giving their subs transcendent experiences. Probably your Dom will get off on being able to be your caretaker in this time. But the best way to be sure of this, and give yourself the supportive foundation to start exploring this type of vulnerability, is to ask your Dom to explain what he is drawn to about playing with CGL (Caregiver/little, which is a nice, non-gendered way of referring to this dynamic). Ask him what he might feel if you go into little space outside of a scene. What are his boundaries around it?
Another way to think about this is that Doms get into power exchange because they’re anthropologists of their subs, intrigued and aroused by witnessing the shifts and changes in energy they are able to fine tune as they embrace their power. Little space is just another shift to curate, and a lot of Doms will respond well to having the power to put you there.
HOW DO YOU MAKE THE PLAY YOUR OWN?
You asked how to play as different ages, here’s a little list of ideas to get you going:
Think of an outfit you (or someone) might have worn at your target age. See what wearing it does to your mood and physicality. Actors often don’t find characters until they get into costume. This is only as gendered as you make it, so focus on the age and not the gender.
Think of things you really enjoyed at your target age. Maybe it was horses. Tell your partner stories of that time, and tap into that youthful enthusiasm!
Play with activities that evoke caretaking - have your partner sit with you while you take a bath, brush your teeth, or take your vitamins (bonus points if he checks that you actually swallowed them). Maybe you could let him brush your hair or do something as simple as zip or button you into your clothes. Again bringing shades of perversion into these simple moments can be really thrilling. And it’s your right to infuse your private moments with this kind of intrigue!
Rewatch/reread the movies/books you liked at your target age
As far as incorporating age play into sex goes, try infusing as much play as you can with mentorship. For example “what’s happening next, Daddy?” Or “Can you please show me how, Daddy?” This is an easy place to start.
To wrap up, here are my some reading recs for exploring submission:
Conquer Me by Kacie Cunningham - good, but very gendered. I don't remember it dealing directly with age play
The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton has a quickie section on "regression play." Here's an except:
Generally, adolescent personae are horny and eager, and may be looking for support in developing a sense of identity or a particular self-image. Pre-adolescent kids (about eight to eleven) can be playful, silly, explorative and sometimes cruel. Small kids and babies are more likely to play with nurturance and discipline, sometimes with nurturance alone. An erotic dancer once asked Dossie to come to her birthday dressed as a schoolmarm; it turned out her fantasy was to be a seven-year-old boy, to sit on Dossie’s lap and get read a story – a sweet and tender gift for the birthday child..
I’m so excited for you both and think it sounds like you really have the ingredients for a great, transcendent experience!
xo Lina
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