How To Have Sex In Someone Else's House
a practical guide from your local perv
Let’s start here: if I don’t sexually connect with my partner on a regular schedule, my body starts to shut down. I begin to melt into a puddle of goo, entirely losing my corporeal form, Wicked Witch of the West style, screaming ‘WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME’ as I evaporate into nothing but steam and high-pitched screams. I’m not needy!! I just have needs.
As karmic payback, I’ve been blessed with a partner who is very proper about when and where to have sex. He does his best work in our own bedroom with the blinds firmly drawn. He is not interested in public sex, in fact he actively rebukes it. And as far as having sex in a relative’s home over the holidays — it’s a hard no.
So as a Consent Queen, how do I go about enjoying my holidays without throwing myself into the cozy fireplace as an act of protest?
This is where the Kink Toolkit comes in handy…
