How To Do Consensual Non-Consent With Your Hockey Nemesis/Gay Lover
on THAT scene in the Heated Rivalry finale
Imagine: you’re a young, hot, closeted hockey star in his prime. You have invited your sexy Russian nemesis, who has also been your fuck buddy for about ten (?) years, to come visit your chic summer cottage so you two can nuzzle and relentlessly bone away from the prying eye of the public. You and your hot Russian boyfriend are sitting on the couch, about to play some video games, when your teammate calls — boo!!! — to talk about his new baby — BOO!! — thus interrupting the nonstop stream of flirting and ass-grabbery you had planned. You’re an upstanding guy, you want to do your duty to your friend and hear about his baby, but the sexual chemistry is so magnetic that you and your boyfie cannot keep your hands off each other. What to do!
Who among us hasn’t found ourselves in this exact situation? For those who haven’t the Heated Rivalry season 1 finale will lovingly walk you through Shane’s quandary. He answers the phone and Ilya, the aforementioned boyfie, won’t stop touching him.
Shane puts his friend on hold, and turns to Ilya, annoyed:
Shane: What are you doing?
Ilya: I think you know.
Shane: Please stop.
Ilya: I don’t think that’s what you want.
Shane: Later, ok?
Ilya: Ok, I make you a deal. I won’t touch you.1 But if you get hard…
Shane: I won’t get hard.
Ilya: No problem then.
Shane rolls his eyes and gets back on the phone. Ilya starts to caress his leg and notices he’s hard. He indicates this to Shane with a thumbs up, and Shane keeps talking on the phone as Ilya calmly retreats to the other side of the couch to give him space. JK WHAT SHOW DO YOU THINK THIS IS — he starts giving him head while playfully slapping him on the cheek (slap is a generous word for this but, you know). Shane continues the call despite getting quite breathy,2 finally muting his friend as he cums in Ilya’s mouth. Shane wraps up the phone call then climbs on top of Ilya.
Shane: Fuck you. Why was that so hot?
Ilya: Because you like to be bad.
Then they go on to have a heartfelt moment about why it’s not ‘bad’ what’s happening between them, blah blah blah, *jerk off gesture* — BACK TO THE CNC.
It’s very important to me that not one of you enter 2026 without some savvy on the world of consensual non-consent, and this moment in The Hockey Show is a really lovely example of how the themes of this fantasy can play out in a variety of ways, with many tones and intensities.
Let’s start here: Consensual Non-Consent is one of the most common fantasies I hear about from callers to the podcast (send in your questions here!). And it’s the one that troubles people the most. But CNC is not actually a fantasy about “not consenting.” If we weren’t consenting, we wouldn’t be fantasizing about it. CNC is a fantasy about being overcome with desire: your partner wants you so much they can’t stop or, if you’re the top, your partner is so under your spell they can’t help but submit to your desire for them.
As kinksters, we fantasize about themes that are taboo in wider society. There’s an electric fence straddling the line between “consent” and “not consent” and our minds take the charge of that boundary and convert its power to erotic fascination. Taboo calls our attention to things. If something isn’t ‘wrong’ in some way, it lacks the friction so many of us need to get off. And if you’re a nice, upstanding member of society, a feminist, a leftist, a person who’s really invested in breaking down hierarchy and ensuring equality for all: your brain has put a lot of effort and attention into inequality and justice. So the inverse becomes alluring. Maybe you crave a Dom/sub dynamic; maybe you want your boyfriend to blow you while you’re on the phone.
What’s so great about this scene is that it shows that CNC, when actually practiced, can be kind of playful. Sometimes our fantasies limit us into thinking that kink has to be really serious or dark to qualify as kink. Not so! Most kinksters I know are doing their dark and nefarious deeds with a running commentary of dad humor and puns. Heated Rivalry has shown a number of hot sex scenes that include little comedic bits. And the phone scene goes to show that CNC can be scaled down to be a little low stakes, a little silly.
The internet has gone feral for this show for a lot of reasons, but I think the biggest is how the sex is able to breathe in the absence of heteronormative baggage. I don’t think a scene like this between a man and a woman could possibly play onscreen with such lightness. But irl? No matter what identities are involved, your sex has the right to be light. Maybe that’s as good a New Year’s resolution as any.
More Heated Rivalry…
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I’ve conferred with my fellow perverts and we believe this to mean “I won’t touch your genitals” not I won’t touch you, period.”
I watched this scene with my BFF who’d already seen the episode, and they reassured me that he correctly uses the mute button each time and the friend does not hear. My anxiety needed this reassurance to remotely enjoy this scene. Talking On The Phone Is Not My Kink But Shane’s Kink Is Ok!
Good read 👏🏻
The biggest take away for me is how closeted the hockey world is. This show brings it the forefront where it should be. I haven’t watched yet but I am going to ☺️. And absolutely as good a New Year’s resolution as any! Good read ☺️.
The internet has gone feral for this show for a lot of reasons, but I think the biggest is how the sex is able to breathe in the absence of heteronormative baggage. I don’t think a scene like this between a man and a woman could possibly play onscreen with such lightness. But irl? No matter what identities are involved, your sex has the right to be light. Maybe that’s as good a New Year’s resolution as any.